Sunday, March 27, 2005

YAWN!... i'm here bl0gging despite the fact that i'm extremely exhausted. HAHA

went to shann0n's h0use yesterday! haa. his h0use is damn nice! its simple yet exquisite. damn kewl. oh ya by the way its at bishan and i live in bedok. b0o. anyway, his h0use is damn big lar but l0oks kinda scary at night. haha. he's a richy rich kid. no, i think its his parents. whaha`~ his d0gs are damn cute and c0ntrasting. 0ne so huge the 0ther s0 puny. haha. they're so gentle and seld0m bark! let al0ne bite. muhaha. had bbq there and thanks to his maid, we didn't have to do the bbq-ing ourselves. heh~

then we started to play cards. forfeit was drinking beer. eh i kind of like tiger beer. ^^ but like so uncle. lol. after that they started taking turns playing mahj0ng, which i n0 nuts about it. grumps. and the 0thers entertained ourselves by watching tv, vcd, mtvs. n0t f0rgetting playing playstati0n2. yv0nne came 0ver ar0und 11. then they c0ntinued their mahj0ng game and i c0ntinued playing his playstation. haha. and so it went 0n till 5am this m0rning. haha. what made things imprefect was his grandm0ther! she kept c0ming int0 the r0om and t0ld us t0 sleep! grumps. initially i was ok with it kn0wing that she tends t0 nag. but i started t0 get irritated cuz she kept telling us the same thing every half h0ur and even when its 3+am. shann0n was damn agitated. whaha. grumps. then ar0und 4+ we tried to catch s0me sleep while shann, jasper and v0n gambled. we were dead tired by then. but everytime i was almost drifting off t0 sleep, they started t0 "xi3 pai2". damn l0ud can! s0 in the end angela and i didn't really sleep lar. v0n said i kept smiling while i was sleeping. haha. g0t meh.

ZZz`~~ then ar0und 7 peilin went h0me. and we started playing playstation2 and cards again. HAHA. that went 0n till 1+ when we went 0ut f0r lunch and t0 watch a m0vie. actually it was a rather dumb idea cuz every0ne was practically half-dead. zZz. the m0vie was better than expected lar. just that yv0nne and i kept d0zing 0ff. haha. my eyelids felt so heavy. haa... zZz...

hmm f0und out that the mrt journey fr0m bishan to eun0s takes less than an h0ur. muhaha. ok lar i'm super exhausted n0w. turning in s0on. YAWNS.

the stay-0ver was all in all, a rather nice 0ne. th0ugh s0me pe0ple didn't c0me and there were s0me censored scenes taking place (n0 w0rries i didn't see them) i enj0yed myself. ^^ i miss timmy and mac ( the 2 d0gs. d0nt kn0w the spelling of their names haha ) cant wait f0r 0ur class's chalet!!! hee. i'm still excited about it despite serveral internal disputes...regarding...the cens0red scenes kn0w. haa d0nt think y0u all kn0w what i'm blabbering about. NVM. =p

my relatives are here. but i'm t0o tired to talk t0 them lar. i need t0 replenish my sleep n0w.
night w0rld <3

Saturday, March 26, 2005

s0mething sweet. ^^

"but thats what pe0ple d0,
they leap.
& h0pe t0 g0d they can fly
c0s otherwise we just fall like a r0ck
w0ndering-why the hell did i jump?"
but here i am,
falling.
c0s only one pers0n
makes me feel like i can fly-
y0u."

Friday, March 25, 2005

ell0z.

t0day's chem was damn t0ugh. firstly, the mcqs were kn0tty. i actually didn't have en0ugh time t0 c0mplete it! let al0ne check thr0ugh it! sigh. sec0ndly, there were al0t of mistakes in the question paper and the teacher kept interrupting 0ur train of th0ughts. ARGH. what infuriated me the m0st was when mr sung was informing us about a mistake in question 1b. and i th0ught he was referring to secti0n A question 1b. but apparently it was secti0n B questi0n 1b. s0 i kinda panicked lar. and when i f0und out it was secti0n B, i 0nly remembered vaguely what he said. and i th0ught he t0ld us to change the heat capacity of 4.2 to 4.12! and s0 i changed it t0 4.12!!! then yf t0ld me its still 4.2 just that there was a mistake in the unit. WHAT THE HECK MAN!!! s0 apparently i g0t the wr0ng answer lar! dammit. 0verall the paper was a g0ner la. hais.

then we went t0 kb0x at tampines which 0nly made things w0rst. we wanted t0 g0 t0 the 2-7pm sessi0n 6bucks per student. but the pers0n said we c0uld 0nly sing till 5. why? because he said t0day's very cr0wded. this is super unreas0nable can. we are paying the full c0urse yet we c0uld only sing till 5? what l0gic is that? if we could 0nly sing till 5 then he sh0uld at least charge lesser right?! but let me tell you. we paid MORE. the last time we went we sang till 7+ we paid 11+. t0day we paid 14+!!! GRRR. and the service suck to the c0re. when we first called t0 re-fill the nuts, we waited like 45mins. then angela called again and purposely s0unded rude over the ph0ne. then they came t0 re-fill the nuts. then went i called the sec0nd time t0 re-fill, she said SURE. but in the end n0t a s0ul came t0 re-fill ok! s0 we paid 10bucks for 2 puny bowls of nuts and refilled only 0nce?!!! so damn jian!!! then this man wh0 delivered the drinks spilled s0me on angela and hello?! he didn't even ap0logise! wth. and i think the payment included service charge. pls man. ask them g0 bang wall lar. irritating!!! s0 much f0r sp0iling my supp0sedly pleasant day!!! GRRRRRRRRR.

ok la. as y0u can see i'm n0t having a superb day. n0t even an okay day.

shall end here la. grumps.

julian hee rawks.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

ARGH. i'm actually feeling hyper at this h0ur! and i've chem bl0ck test t0morrow!.. HAHA..

the m0re i watch the series a life for h0pe or s0mething al0ng that line...the m0re i'm smitten 0ver julian hee. HAHA. even mum thinks he's cute! and i read fr0m s0meone's bl0g that he g0es to gym at safra tampines frequently!!! HAHA. i'm g0ing crazy. and i've his email add which im n0t gonna reveal here. muhaha. aiyah actually he revealed it in s0me website. g0 search if y0u want. i'm n0t giving a single hint! *makes faces*

aiyah its n0t like i'm emailing him. erm maybe i sh0uld? eeeks. HAHA. what sh0uld i say then? y0u're dr0p-dead gorge0us with a killer smile that makes me and maybe my mum electrificate?!! HAHA... *p0uts*

ok was just crapping. haha. i'm off. night can't wait f0r the arrival of thursday <3


im homeee! muhahaha. h0w early~

t0m0rrow's the last paperrrr! *makes faces*

maths t0day was alright. heh. hmm but n0t s0 sure whether a B is p0ssible.. half way thr0ugh maclaurin's series, my stomach hurt. damn. but i managed t0 withstand the pain and c0ntinued squeezing brain juice outta my head. HAHA. gr0ss. yep aside fr0m s0me tricky and n0t-managable questions (which i dont really know h0w t0 do. HAHA) everything's fine. hmm. everything? er ok almost everything. haha. and know what, i only skipped 1 question! no, it's 1 part of a question. w0rth 2marks! so pr0ud of myself. cuz n0rmally i'll skip n0t less than 3 questions. eh it's questions, n0t parts. muhahaha. *skips skips*

saw the j1s this m0rning. so many of them man! d0nt even kn0w whether there's space f0r us during m0rning assembly. anyway if there isn't, we sh0uld be the 0ne staying n0t them! muhaha. we're their seni0rrrrr! haa...

0h yea and this m0rning on the train, i saw 2 KC girls. they l0ok like butch. but anyway 0ne girl was smsing then she t0ld her friend ( n0t softly ) that tpjc g0t no eye candies. then i was like...mj got meh?! whahaa. anyway dont think they're butch after that statement. oh. but maybe their eye candies are f...e...males? bleah. haha. ok i'll st0p rubbishing.

chem t0morr0w! h0pe can pass la. aiy0. haha.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

<3 hee...



julian hee! <3



uh huhhh.

i ought to be mugging my mads.

HAHA.

ec0ns t0day was an expected disaster f0r me. the m0ment we stepped int0 the hall, ms w0ng mei lin was sho0-ing the students with her high and squeeky v0ice. thr0ugh the mike! and the case study was a killer. there were only 3 questions. 12, 8, 10marks respectively. grrr. so by right we were doing 4 essays can! and i missed out one of the extract for case study. damn. oh yea and while we were squeezing out our brain juice, the teachers kept walking to and fro. the problem was, they were all wearing high heels so it was kinda noisy lar. and whenever ms w0ng walked pass, one c0uld actually feel the impact know. whahaha`~ s0 mean. but it was s0mewhat irritating la. grumps. all in all, i'm totally screwed for ec0ns lar. HAHA. oh ya and i think i was t0o stressed just n0w that i c0uld hardly feel the c0ldness in the hall. unlike qs wh0 was freezing beside me. haa...

oh yea there's no sch0ol f0r me t0morr0w. yippy. but still g0t to study. so sians. cant wait f0r the arrival 0f thursday. heh.

watch the new sh0w on channel 8 at 9pm okie. hee. awww. he's cute. bleah~

back to being a mathematician. bo0~~~

=((((

was feeling kinda unstable yesterday. but it's 0ver. and i'm fine n0w. i hope. HAHA. i'm trying t0 put the unhappy mem0ries behind me. and i will. but i need time. cuz..there's t0o many 0f them. yawns~

Sunday, March 20, 2005

back for a quick entry before mr and mrs spider make my blog their nest. b0o`~

been trying t0 study these past few days for the upc0ming block test which is like in 2 days time? oh gawd. hmm...i h0pe i'll be able to pull thr0ugh chem and maths. but for ec0ns. HAHA i've kind of given up on it. n0t totally lar at least i read my n0tes. whaha.

er ya watched 'xun yi cao' just n0w. actually i've already watched it twice but still find it heart-warming. haha. hmm. if i'm able to find true l0ve and spend at least tw0 years with him...i w0uldn't mind dying early. heh. cuz it's w0rth it.

hmm have to get back to being an ec0nomist s0on. i really have zer0 idea why they think so much and b0ther c0ming up with c0mplicated and pr0found the0ries. w0rst, why cant ec0nomist think the same way and n0t c0me up with multiple the0ries for a single t0pic? why cant keynes but m0re simple-minded like the m0netarists! d0es he kn0w that he's making the lives of ec0ns students a misery?! grumps. he's bad.

HAHA. i'm g0ing b0nkers.

alrighy better g0 n0w bef0re i start blaming keynes again. he's actually...aiyah d0nt feel like praising him...haha...

remember, he's bad. or rather, was. hahaha.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

i really can't help feeling dem0ralized...

AHH.

i need s0me0ne who's willing and able t0 add col0urs t0 my life n0w. things are t0ugher n0w. and it isn't getting any better.

i'll pull thr0ugh!
dead or alive?
thats the underlying statement.
*makes faces*

yes. i'm stressed out. n0t entirely. but still...haiz~

who kn0ws what lies beneath that calm exteri0r of mine...
n0t pretenti0us...
just...

hiding...

Friday, March 11, 2005

when the last tear drop falls
i'll still h0ld on
to all the mem0ries
and the way we used t0 be

when the last tear dr0p falls
i'll still stand tall
cuz i believe you'll be with me
till the last tear dr0p falls

wh0 is the pers0n y0u cherish m0st in this w0rld?



why did you have to rub it in.

whyyyyyyy.

after watching hitch, it kinda made me realise that

i miss *-
having someone to sh0wer me with unconditional love
being able to shower someone else with unconditional love
having someone to tell me that everything's alright when i'm d0wn
being there for someone when he's distress
laughing at silly sh0ws with s0me0ne
talking to s0me0ne who truly understands me
having someone to share my laughter with
having someone wh0'll dry my tears when it falls uncontr0llably
having s0mewho wh0'll always be ar0und whenever i need him

i miss being the special gal of s0me0ne...

i miss.
i miss..
i miss...

Thursday, March 10, 2005

yayness. i'm h0me early! it's like...one in a zillion chance?! haa so exaggerating. oh well... *make faces*

this m0rning on the train, there was this alm0st-asleep-but-trying-to-keep-herself-awake w0man sitting beside me! and mind you, i've already met her twice on the train. she kept n0dding 0ff and always ended up leaning onto me! there was als0 an0ther guy sitting beside me. felt so squashed up and unc0mfortable know. grump. she's like...th0se plump type, leaning somewhat comfortably on me! ZZz`~ then i met ys and he said so loudly in the train that i've been failing m0st tests this year. h0w embarrassing can it get! d0tz. 0h ya g0t back my ec0ns test. its 7/20. why the heck do i keep failing! really h0pe i'll pass last monday's chem test. i really put in effort studying for it. =(

had this career seminar just now and 2 scholars came to talk about their experiences etc. so envi0us! sighh. imagine studying 0verseas with0ut paying for it! totally awesome huh. haa. but that thought is like a dream s0 far. uhhhhh...

ok have to study s0on. kinda m0tivated by ms lai's talk this m0rning. hmpf. tut0rs are disapp0inted in my class. n0t only academically wise but als0, in terms of...our class's togetherness~ i seriously think there's no remedy to salvage the current situation. its been more than a year. and only a few months left before we graduate.

hmm...
resignation
yea perhaps thats the w0rd.

alrighty.
g0tta buck up n0w.

ec0n0mics-its giving me a huge headache...

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

pardon me but im currently feeling nauseous. could be due to the bus ride. arghh. so much s0 that i've no appetite for dinner. sob.

had chem test this m0rning and econ test yesterday. i'm positive that i'll fail econs lar huh. cuz i mixed up the 2 topics that we were tested 0n. urm then about today, i could manage. but passing is a separate thing yeah. hahaha. had flu t0day! was entirely listless during less0ns. sigh. anyway, we went to kb0x after that! me, yf and angela. haha. supp0sed to be from 2-7 but we reached at about 2.40pm. Zzz`~ it's quite cheap know. student price is 6 bucks per person with free drinks. the infuriating part was, we were given 2 puny b0wls of nuts. the capacity 0f 1 b0wl is approximately a hand full. and know what?! each puny b0wl c0sts 5 bucks ok! and they gave us 2! which added up to 10 bucks! gRrr. we didn't know we'd to pay for the nuts and when we wanted to ask for re-fills, we were so p0lite and embarrassed lor. and we only asked for 2 re-fills!! see! g0t cheated! people, next time when they give you the 2b0wls 0f nuts when you g0 kbox, say you dont want ok! grumps.

oh ya and yesterday, yf was copying my maths tutorial before ec0ns lecture. yea we knew ms ee was sitting few sits behind us but as yf was copying it before the lecture started~ so technically speaking there was nothing wr0ng what. [except the copying part haha] and so she confiscated our w0rk. apparently she passed it to mr kwan and he told us to re-do! urghh. thank g0d i only did 4 questions. whahahaha.

ok lar gotta go. need to do h0mew0rk! tata <3

Monday, March 07, 2005

know what. i seriously hate ec0nomics! i th0ught i would gradually learn to understand and like it. but hell, n0! the topics are s0 darn foreign to me. well n0t all but en0ugh to make me flunk like crap everytime. understanding it doesnt mean i'm able to sc0re. and i aint talking about aceing it but simply a pass. sigh* and h0w on earth d0 people manage to get a B for ec0ns let alone A. grump. i'm totally stressed. and there's a case study test t0m0rrow and ive practically given up 0n it. well i read the lecture n0tes but, i cant seem t0 mem0rise it. and l0ok at the time n0w. sigh. and my ec0ns tut0r, we're so distant.

entirely h0peless.

i need help. sigh.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

haha t0ok this fr0m angela's blog. same results. s0 just had to change the name =P



yeah i g0t b4 for chinese! and i didn't even put in any eff0rt studying for it! whahaha...

0ur first batch 0f meridians did very well for f0r their A's. hmm. h0pe we can d0 even better.. haha~ stressed!!~ really h0pe that on this very day next year, it'll be the right day for every meridians. m0tivated t0 study n0w! but h0w l0ng will it last? sigh*

n0t really in a superb m0od.
never had any regrets bef0re.
until he appeared.

-_______________________-

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

t0day wasn't a particularly g0od day. was kinda distressed. l0st my c0ncentrati0n outta a sudden. all0wed my mind to dirft away. drift to what happened a year ag0.

a year ag0.
a month after we got together.
he t0ld me he hadnt f0rgotten her completely.
perhaps i should have ended everything back then.
to save myself
i'd n0 idea that ag0ny was c0ming my way.

a year ag0.

yet the memory of it still haunts me.
its still living vividly in my mind.
it wasn't because she was the one he used to like.
but because he cheated 0n me em0ti0nally.

jan 2004.
i asked about his past relationships.
he refused to disclose anything about him and her.
i shouldnt have done what my heart compelled me t0 back then.
it was the biggest mistake i've ever made.

i met her at a few occasions.
the first time i layed my eyes on her,
i knew she was the one.
the one he fell head over heels for for years.
what i didnt know was,
she still captured a part of his heart back then.

was it out of sheer stupidity
that i agreed when he asked me to be his?

perhaps.

after we g0t t0gether.
i raised that same particular t0pic ab0ut him and her again.
what i g0t
was him yelling at me.
he then admitted that she was the one.
which i knew long before he confirmed.

no, it didnt hurt cuz she was the one he used to like.
it hurt cuz i was sharing his heart with her.
no, i couldnt accept that.

he said he was trying to be honest.
fark it.
he could have been before he asked me to be his.
shit.

what i felt couldnt be simplified int0 w0rds.
the disappointment was way beyond the universe.
thorough pain and destructi0n?
no, it was something w0rst than th0se.

damn.

throughout the months we'd been t0gether
m0st arguments arised cuz of what he'd done.
s0rry.
i cannot put it behind me.
it hurt even more when he went out t0 meet her.
and spent the night at her house.
of cuz with other friends.
but no.
i didnt want to be p0ssessive.
insercurity.
lack of confidence.
lack of trust.
perhaps that was why i felt that way.
was i even happy when i was with him?
i've n0 idea myself.
it was cuz of his past d0ings.
that i hurt myself in many ways.

he said to depend on myself and n0t the past.
yes i did.
i depended solely on myself
whenever he caused me to be miserable unkn0wingly.
i depended 0n my friends instead of him.
cuz i know he'll never be able to c0mprehend
what he'd inflicted into me.

f0r the past 11m0nths.
and till n0w.
the mem0ry of it still haunts me.
and the way he treated me
before i finally mustered enough courage to leave him
was like adding salt to the w0und in my heart.
h0w i wished i've an eraser inside my head right n0w.
s0metimes it's a blessing to be able to f0rget easily.

sighh.

life's never fair.
did i deserve such treatment.
i didnt even felt so discouraged when k left.

yes i may f0rgive him.
but i'll never f0rget what he'd d0ne.
s0rry.
but i ain't brave en0ugh to d0 it.

w0unds d0 heal.
but the scars never fade.
there're some things which he'll never kn0w.

tell me what i sh0uld d0 n0w.

There's a girl in the mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did

There's a story in her eyes
Lullabies and goodbyes
When she's looking back at me
I can tell her heart is broken easily
Cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright

Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying cause of you
And I wish there was something
Something I could do
If I could I would tell her
Not to be afraid
The pain that she's feeling
The sense of loneliness will fade
So dry your tears and rest assured
Love will find you like before
When she's looking back at me
I know nothing really works that easily

I cant believe its what I see
That the girl in the mirror
The girl in the mirror is me

Cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying cause of you
I wish there was something
I wish there was something I could do.

*happy birthday*

take me with you
4:26 PM